Transcript
Welcome to Time to Gather

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Melinda and Emily, alternating: Welcome to Time to Gather-- a podcast where women talk it through one story at a time so that we can all move towards more purposeful, integrated, powerful lives together. I’m Melinda Bullen. And I'm Emily Jennings. And we're two working, living, surviving, trying to thrive women living on two different coasts from two different generations with the same love for good conversation, curiosity, and connection. We are imperfect. We're learning. And we are you. And we're so grateful you're here taking the time to gather with us today.

Melinda: In this episode we talk about who you might be, why we came together, and what to expect in the episodes ahead. From crying in the bathroom to perennial learning, we start this podcast with our stories and share our super enthusiasm about the future episodes where wonderful everyday women join us to tell their stories. When we say women we’re always including trans women, cis women, and the fluidity of the feminine experience. We also welcome those that identify as men because we're all bound by injustice and we're all responsible for the liberation of each other. 

Emily: To get to know us a little better, feel free to read our bios linked below, but to really get to know us, tuck in and keep listening because we are bringing exactly who we are to you, our guests, and each other. Our imperfect selves. Like many women we struggle to be at peace with imperfection and have been told in a million ways that we are somehow not enough and need to be fixed. We are not here to fix you. We are here in this learning with you. And so, expect imperfect moments, a low-fi experience, and a lot of curiosity, learning, fun, and feelings. So let's gather together and get started on our first episode ever!

So, most importantly, now that we’ve told you a little bit about ourselves, we really can't wait to get to know you. Here's who we think might find this podcast interesting. So who are our people? Our people are the givers.

Melinda: The doers.

Emily: The want-to-make-it-betterers.

Melinda: The learners. 

Emily: The optimists. 

Melinda: The advocates. 

Emily: The shaker-uppers.

Melinda: And the storytellers. 

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Emily: The listeners. 

Melinda: The seekers. 

Emily: The know it can be betterers.

Melinda: The try againers.

Emily: The walk togetherers. 

Melinda: And people who like sass and people who like soft. 

Emily: Mmmmmm! Yes! Those are our people. I love our people. 

Melinda: I do too. I can't wait to meet all our people. But you know, I think one of the things that Emily and I deeply believe in as a part of our values as podcasters and as business owners is that we are you and you are us, right? So the world tells us, and we have internalized as women, that we’re not enough and that with each new product and each new book, each new podcast, each new whatever it might be you'll be fixed, right? We have this hunger of, like, finding that thing that's gonna fix us and make us feel more grounded or balanced or right in this world. We want to be really clear that we are not here to fix anyone. We are here with you in the learning. You are enough. We are enough. And together we're learning how to be whole and thriving.

Emily: Uh. I could not have said it better myself. I feel that and on that, like this is really for women who want to affirm each other 's humanity. This notion that we can be imperfect but that we also have needs and that we're all involved in systems and social norms that tell us how to be. Is for women who want to and have cultivated courage, self-insight, and information about how to break down systems. One of the things that we've talked about a lot together and that really resonates deeply is this notion of what if we let the destination go? You know? Like as Melinda was speaking to, we're always trying to get to this point—this, like, enoughness. This endpoint. What if we let that endpoint, that destination, go and really spent our energy on where we are right now and the immediate next step? So, it's for women who are interested in this journey together with their arms linked, learning from each other.

Melinda: Absolutely. You know, and we’re talking about women, we're centering women, we're centering the feminine and the workplace, but we also just want to acknowledge, right, like the big emotions and emotions in the workplace, right? So, like, this podcast is for anyone who's ever cried in the bathroom, right? 

Emily: Yes!

Melinda: Who’s wanted to cry and held it back and didn't feel like they had the space to have the emotions that they were experiencing even in joyful moments, toxic moments, whatever it might be. So this podcast is for women who are curious about emotional work in the workplace. Where emotions are no longer stigmatized or seen as counterproductive but they're seen as valued and honored and, guess what, a part of the leadership paradigm. In fact, it makes us better leaders to embrace emotion. And so the name for that that's been cultivated by women who've been doing this work a really long time is this idea of soft leadership, right? Where we're elevating skills that historically have been perceived as soft or feminine. So yeah, women who are really curious about that and interested also in growing their skills around self-reflection and self-learning. That's something that Emily and I are really invested in personally and we're really invested in sitting in circles of women who want to be doing the same. That are eager to connect and are open to experiencing deep feelings, laughter, and play. All of that spectrum of experience. 

Emily: I love that. I cannot tell you how many times I have had tears welling up behind my eyes in meetings and that feeling of, like, hot face. Tears right there, but there's just no space for it. And the reasons those feelings are there is because emotion hasn't been able to be released continually. Like why is it getting to that point when we can't be in a space where we're talking about that.

Melinda: Absolutely. And this idea that, again, this one space we occupy for a majority of our hours of the day is an emotion-free zone is so antithetical to the human experience, right? And antithetical to the things we say we value in the workplace like collaboration and connection and creativity. 

Emily: Yeah (laughs).

Melinda: How do you do any of those things without emotion? (laughing)

Emily: (laughing) Keep it shut down! Collaborate, but only with solid words and timelines and meetings and all those good things.

Melinda: Exactly. So, we want to find a way to bring all of that in to support the things that we value in the workplace. 

Emily: I wanna hit on one more thing.

Melinda: Yeah?

Emily: One more piece of who this is for. It's something that really brought us together in this work. Is this reckoning in that we have not been taught how to take care of ourselves while we take care of others. And while we take care of the world and while we take care of the work. As women this is something that is really ingrained in us is that we are trying to care for and nurture, support, attend to so many pieces of life and somewhere along the way it's often lost that the starting place is taking care of ourselves in order to do that. We are both women, I hope you have me speaking for you Melinda, but we're both women who have experienced burnout. And have experienced the too muchness of all the things, and the not saying no, and all the pieces that build up to “where are we in this work?” So this is for women who really want to center self while doing the work. While caring for others but learning about and connecting and coming together to see how do we as women take that time to really get to put ourselves-- not put ourselves-- I don't know? Is it put ourselves first? But take that time to be there for us and to give to us. And we are on that learning journey too. Oh man, am I on that learning journey! 

Melinda: Absolutely! 100%. Golly. And I just read a, you know, a meme on a social media thread that just said, “Use your energy for you first.” I was like, “Oh right!” Like we have this energy that we begin our day with-- that we begin our whatever with-- and it's like, I know, and

Emily you know me well, that I'm often starting to already think about, you know, where else I can put the energy I have in my body, in my own creativity, in my own whatever, for someone else? In service to something else. And it's like oh what would happen if I actually began with using and utilizing that energy for me first? Wow! It feels so radical! And you know what's really exciting is we're gonna be deep diving into all of these ideas inevitably in this podcast series. You know, I think about this idea of self-care and not just the complexity as women in America but the complexity of where in America you are, right? So like, a lot of my women friends here in the South we talk a lot about like the cultural impact of growing up in the South and what it means to be a woman in the South. And that's true for all different regions. All different cultural influences, right? I mean, that's just one element of how we are taught as women to be in service to our community, be in service to our family, and be in service to ourselves. And one thing does feel really universal-- many women are not great at putting themselves in their own self-care first. And so, yeah, I think that's a big piece of our conversation. 

Emily: But we know how to care for others! Like that's the thing. We’re not great at doing it for ourselves but I just want to like to recognize-- one of the things Melinda spoke to earlier is, like, we want to lift up the things we already know– like how to do as– women and as people. Like this isn't about how we're not enough or like we can't take care of ourselves-- we're not enough. It's seeing-- oh my goodness, we are so good at taking care of others, taking care of the world, taking care of the work. What are we? How are we putting our energy in those and how can we flip that or shift that so we're doing it for ourselves too? We have the skills. Women have the things. 

Melinda: That's right 

Emily: How can we change this journey and shift the power together? 

BREAK (music) Melinda: Hi all! While we’re taking a break, let me tell you about some other ways to connect with Time to Gather. You can find more episodes, resources, and more on our website timetogatherpodcast.com. And don’t forget to connect with us on social. Find out the latest podcast news, preview new episodes, connect with other listeners and get to know your hosts, Melinda and Emily through our regular posts. You can find the Time to Gather podcast on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

Melinda: We're talking about all of these types of women who have different interests that we've sort of listed and curiosities and probably shared stories. They're hearing themselves in what we're describing, but one of the things that Emily and I deeply believe and I think represent- I hope we do!

Emily: Fingers crossed.

Melinda: (laughing) Yes! Is this concept of the perennial. Right? Oh gosh. We're all so familiar with the Gen X and the Millennial and the Y and the, you know, Baby Boomers and all the different generational vocabulary that we use to sort of separate ourselves into these distinguishing groups. And I'm going to honor the truth that generations do have differences and I'm also going to honor the fact that there are commonalities that are really powerful. And tech entrepreneur, Gina Pell, she's actually the one that coined the term perennial and it just resonated so deeply with Emily and I that we wanted to bring that into our podcast. So first of all, kudos Gina! Thank you for sharing your word with us and this concept which she describes as quote, “Ever-blooming, relevant people of all ages who live in the present time, know what's happening in the world, stay current with technology, and have friends of all ages.” End quote. And I was like, “Yeah! Yeah! I hope I'm a perennial!” And if not, I'm an aspiring perennial. How about you Emily?

Emily: I just want to read that quote 45,000 times, but seriously, that first word of “ever-blooming” could not resonate more deeply. Like, this constant shift and change and that's one of the big things that Melinda and I connected on is that we are constantly changing our environments, changing what we're doing in order to continue blooming. And recognizing when we might be wilting, when we might be not thriving in spaces, and shifting that. But, yeah, the word perennial, I love. I am a huge nerd. I'm that person that reads Pew Research articles on how generations are different because I think it's fascinating and I love to better understand how we can connect with each other across those differences so like finding those strengths in different generations-- just love to do it. But when Melinda introduced me to this notion of perennial, when she introduced me to this, it’s like, that's the binding piece. Like this recognition, that because we are ourselves, we are also you. Like how we all connect across spaces. I also love the notion that Gina Pell shares of this constant learning. That life is always for learning and yeah that just feels really, really true. 

Melinda: Yeah, for me, I think that's the note that hits the hardest. You know, and I've probably done it myself, so I'm not going to count myself out, but I've also witnessed friends and family members who are so quick to cut themselves out of an experience because they feel inept at the technology piece of it. Or they feel like they're not, you know, informed enough about a particular subject to really participate in a thing. Or they don't feel physically like they're able to engage in a way that everybody else in the group is. Whatever it might be! Right? Whatever the fear is or the perceived limitation is. And limitations are real, right? We all have certain limitations—physical, emotional, mental. I'm not discounting that at all but what I really love about what she's saying here is, to be a perennial is to have a sort of vulnerability, right? Of facing sort of that fear, the courage of recognizing you might fail, it may not go as you had hoped it would, but you're willing to step into the experience and not be defined by this idea of a generational norm. Right? I don't know about you but, and I don't think it's uncommon because these get like millions of hits, but you know when we see that person that's gone back to school to get their degree at 85, right? Or we see that elderly couple doing a hip hop dance. Or we see that 12-year-old, you know, doing some sort of deep life community changing activity. Like whatever it means when people are stepping out of the norm of what they're perceived generational definition is, it's inspiring! And so, it's like, yeah, I wanna be a part of, and gather women through this podcast and our other work who are willing to shed those sort of defining boundaries and say “I'm showing up as a 20-year-old or 65-year-old or anything above, in-between, or below to talk about this because I'm a woman. That's it. That's it. That's all it needs to be. 

Emily: Uh! Yes! And those are the exact type of women we are going to be talking to in this podcast. I'm thinking of our short list of people we've already thought of who we wanna share story with in this podcast and all of them are perennial learners. I hadn't realized that until just now but I'm like, yeah, that's a 33-year-old acting like a 60-year-old that's like doing leadership levels that should, you know, that often seem like they take a lifetime to accrue. That's a 40-year-old continuing to do deep learning that is shifting the way people work around her and how community is served. You know, just so many different perennial women that we are going to get to connect with on this.

Melinda: Yeah. Absolutely. So, yeah, let's talk a little bit about what our listeners can expect. You've gotten to know us a little bit. Hopefully we've shared with you our thoughts about who you might be and we can't wait to meet you! What are you gonna be listening to? What can you expect? Um, well, I think first and foremost, we're just really trying to lift the veil, right? Lift the veil of all the things that we're probably not talking about but would love to get together in a room of women to talk about. For example, you know, hey, have you ever cried in the bathroom? Have you ever had hot face in a meeting trying to hold back those emotions?

Emily: (laughing) Hot face in a meeting sounds like the name of a song. 

Melinda: It does! (laughing) So yeah, and so really, you know for us this podcast is about hearing stories from women and having conversation about those stories with them. So, you'll hear over the course of our season different women that we have selected that we know through different capacities and experiences that we have been impressed by or learned from for a wide variety of reasons. And we want to share them with you. And we know they're carrying a sack full of stories like we all are about being in the workplace and what that means. Um, so you know, the goal of the podcast is to sort of invite them in to share a story and then for us to have a conversation together about it, because at the end of the day such a key piece to why we're gathering is the storytelling, right? We know that through history, through time, through what we've seen creates deep everlasting change, it often begins with one person telling another person a story. That's when we feel most connected. That's when we understand and can perspective shift into another person's world. And that's what we hope to bring to you as listeners is other women's stories so you can only step into their world but maybe even feel like somebody seeing into yours.

Emily: Love it! I wanna listen to this podcast! (laughing) It really does feel like we're creating the podcast we need to hear, too. Like, it’s the medicine that we need. 

Melinda: (laughing) So, we wanna make sure that you know, and I think you have felt it-- I hope you have felt that genuine care and warmth that we are offering up as an invitation to join us in this podcast. Not just to listen but we also want you to be a part of the dialogue and that's going to look like different things over the course of the season. And so we will bring forward to you different ways in which we hope you'll engage with us via our website, social media, and not too far in the future in-person. 

Emily: Yeah. Yeah. Come learn with us. Come be with us. We are just honored and thrilled and just deeply warm and fuzzy feeling about all of us getting to connect in this way. So thank you all and we'll see you in the episodes.

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Melinda: Thank you for taking the time to Gather with us today. Keep our connection strong by visiting us at timetogatherpodcast.com or by following the Timet to Gather podcast of Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. We would love to hear from you. What resonated today? What are your stories? What risks have you taken? 

Emily (music): We love connecting with you and doing this work. Head over to our site and hit the donate button to keep the stories coming. We’re a grassroots, low-fi effort and your support is both needed and appreciated. Thank you and we can’t wait to gather with you again.

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